Why You Should Stop Trying So Hard: The Power of Authenticity in Business
By Stephanie Chandler on Oct 17, 2012 with Comments 13
Warning: I am about to make some sweeping generalizations. This might be one of the most challenging posts I’ve ever written and I hope it comes across in the spirit in which it is intended!
Whenever I meet new people, I immediately like the ones who are authentic and real. It’s the exact opposite of my biggest pet peeve: the over-inflated ego. And there are just as many people who land somewhere in the middle by simply trying too hard. It reminds me about what it was like back when I was dating. It was always much more comfortable to sit across from someone who was confident yet relaxed, versus someone who put on a bit of a show.
When I think about this contrast, professional speakers come to mind. As someone in this industry, I can tell you that there is a lot of ego in the world of professional speaking. There are some fantastic speakers who get on stage and put on a show. Some of them exit the stage and hold on tightly to their personal rock star status, while others settle back into authentic human mode.
Dr. Wayne Dyer is one of my favorite speakers, and someone whose style I have admired for many years. I saw him at an event a couple of years back and he came out on stage wearing shorts and flip flops. His outfit matched his style on stage. He wasn’t there to perform or deliver grand theatrics. He was there to connect with the audience on a personal level, and that is exactly what he did.
I had a personal experience with this earlier this year when I was scheduled to speak at a break-out session at the annual conference for the National Speaker’s Association. There’s always added pressure when speaking to peers, but speaking to peers who are pro speakers took my anxiety to a whole new level. After some consideration I realized that I didn’t need to do anything differently. I would show up and deliver a content-rich presentation, minus the theatrics because that’s never been my style. Several people stopped me afterwards to acknowledge my authenticity on stage. Mission accomplished!
This conflict of ego versus authenticity might explain why many Americans are so suspicious of politicians. Few politicians come across as relatable people because they are too busy showing their feathers and demonstrating their importance.
I’ve also noticed this phenomenon for years in the world of internet marketing. There are a lot of big egos out there, pitching their programs and making grand promises. Some write blog posts about their latest acquisitions—Rolex watches and fancy sports cars. The goal is to impress you into buying whatever they have to offer, usually at hugely inflated prices. But I know just as many marketers who are quite successful without all the pomp and circumstance.
Some of these behaviors also show up in social media. I just celebrated a birthday, and I received some lovely birthday wishes on my Facebook page. But several said things like, “Hope you have a great birthday! When you’re ready to book your next vacation, give us a call!”
Really?
This brings the topic around to sales people, and I can talk about them because I used to be one. I sold software in the Silicon Valley for several years and it was my mission to defy the sales stereotype. While most of my coworkers drove flashy cars, I bought a (used—gasp!) Ford Explorer (I’ve always been a bit of a rebel). Instead of laying it on thick with my clients, I chose to get to know them. I made many friends in the process, met my quotas, and had a hell of a ride—all without sacrificing who I was in the process. In fact, I’m convinced that being myself actually propelled my success.
In the small business community, I know some brilliant people who are teetering on the edge of extreme success. But I suspect I know what is holding them back: They are trying too hard. If they let go of perceptions and stopped trying to prove something to the world (and maybe to themselves?), I would bet the farm that they would cross over into the land of uber-success.
So why not stop for a moment to consider how others see you? If you’re not sure, ask some friends to give you honest feedback. If your ego is a little too big, you’re trying to put on a show, or you’re a different person at work than you are at home, try taking it down a notch and see how people respond.
I bet your business will shoot through the roof.
Filed Under: Small Business • Soapbox
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Great points Stephanie. So much of what you say hear is the reason Internet Marketing has lost its luster among so many business owners. Tired of the hype they do nothing or as you note here try too hard to be something they are not instead of celebrating who and what they are. Thanks for the insights.
Thanks, Clare!
Great post! You are completely right, Stephanie. I have come to the epiphany that I have great products and services through my business. If you want them, great. If not, I understand. What I have is not for everyone. It becomes overwhelming and stressful for me to have to uber-market my wares and try to make everyone in the world understand my mission. Some won’t, plain and simple. As entreprenuers, we have to absorb that, and the stress we have will not outweigh the reasons we started our own business in the first place.
Thanks for your feedback, Tiffany! I’m glad to know this post is connecting the way I intended it to. And you’re right, we can’t be all things to all people. Best wishes to you.
Good post Stephanie. I can relate well to this post as I too suffer from the same problem as you. I can’t take ego and in my day-to-day life I have come across several opportunities where you had to pretend to be someone you are not. This led to the slow growth of my career prospects but I am satisfied with this at least I don’t lie to others about myself in order to go up my success ladder. Thanks for sharing the post, I am not the only one with this problem now.
Thanks for your feedback, Jenny!
Great post Stephanie – thanks!
Thanks, Jim!
Stepanie, I agree with your points in this post, yet find myself in a rather odd place on thos topic. I’m very comfortable when presenting to any size audience whether that is one or thousands, virtual or live. By nature I create top-draw things (in multiple mediums). When I present to a global audience, the common reaction is, “very professional yet personable.” but, when I present locally, especially to a live audience, the common reaction is, “that was slick,” and not said in an “oh wow” way, but more in a “sales-y” way. My clients hire me because of the way I present my offerings. But locally I’m practically ignored because I’m not down homespun enough, which seems very amateurish to me. I realize that your online audience is global and just wonder if you had to be an in-person sales rep in another part of the country if your style would have been as successful. Not trying to pick on you with this hypothetical. Curious to hear your thoughts and if you have run into this same sort of wide difference in opinion.
Hi MaAnna, I’ve been running a speaker’s group for business professionals for the past six years and we’ve had all kinds of guest speakers. On local turf where people in the room tend to know each other, the expectations are different than they would be at a national conference or larger-scale event. When we have speakers who do a lot of selling, I always hear complaints from attendees. I don’t think you should fault the audience for seeming “amateurish,” but instead take it as an opportunity to change up your presentation style to meet the needs of your audience. I certainly take my energy up several notches when speaking at a large event, versus a local event where many people know me and the setting is more intimate. It’s not that you have to change your style completely, but you do need to adapt to your audience and give them what they want. It seems to me that is the message you are getting here. Building an audience in your own backyard is just as important as building a global audience. If I were you, I’d make some changes based on the feedback you’re receiving. Having your local networks in your fan base can lead to many other types of opportunities that you may be missing out on.
[...] enjoyed reading a post on Stephanie Chandler’s site Business Info Guide, about Why You Should Stop Trying So Hard: The Power of Authenticity in Business. In it she warns right at the top that she makes sweeping generalities in the post, but I think her [...]
Stephanie,
Just wanted you to know I enjoyed this article so much I book marked it! Thanks for a very human way of getting your point across! I will look forward to more enlightening posts!
Best Regards,
Tonya Tague
It’s funny that you should mention the car issue – I have, on more than one occasion, driven up to a client’s business and been embarrassed by my car. There’s nothing wrong with my car, but it’s not the car that you might think someone like me might drive. When I’m struck by that thought, I always remind myself that it’s the car of my client’s target audience in most cases, so that helps. But it’s still a game that I play in my head – Thanks for sharing this encouragement not to worry about anything other than getting there safely!